


Don't Go

by EchoInWonderland



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Fen'Harel (Dragon Age) Being an Asshole, Fen'Harel - Freeform, Graphically, I am tokophobic and will mark the chapter but please beware, I mostly finished the outline of the story so I think I'll finish, Like, Parent Solas (Dragon Age), Post-Trespasser, Pregnancy, Solas - Freeform, Solavellan, Solavellan Hell, Twins, Unplanned Pregnancy, celestial lavellan - Freeform, chilbirth described, please beware if tokophobic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-09-30 13:37:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20447996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoInWonderland/pseuds/EchoInWonderland
Summary: Lavellan did not see the point of continuing her daily ritual of dosing herself with witherstalk after Solas ended their relationship. She was not aware that pregnancy could still occur if it was not persistently taken for a period following the last sexual encounter. This error lead to the birth of her twins and a change in the inquisitor's life.Just over a year after the birth, Solas can't bring himself to leave Lavellan behind when he removes the anchor. He decides to see if their love can truly persevere and puts her into an induced coma until he has accomplished his goals. Before he can do so, Lavellan reveals that she has children and Solas must cope with the consequences of what he has done.





	1. The Greatest Vice

**Author's Note:**

> My deepest apologies if any grammar is incorrect- I am what is medically referred to as a dunce.

“Var lath vir suledin!”  
“I wish it could, Vhenan.”

The inquisitor was brought to her knees, holding the wrist of her dying hand as if to stop the shooting pain that flared from her fingertips to the joint of her elbow. The skin was no longer visible beneath the green light that infected her veins. Celestial was doing her best to balance the pain that made her feel like retching and trying to talk Solas out of his madness. 

Their love could endure. It had to- she wanted to shout at him, make him look at her. She remembered the time on her balcony when all it took was her hand on his arm. Just the whispered plea was enough to make him stay. To reconsider his previous thoughts. 

Solas crouched down in front of the inquisitor and took her damaged hand, looking at it with the saddest expression before lifting his head so their eyes could meet. The anchor flared with light again, Celestial slouching into his touch and suffered through the next wave of pain, scattered mind trying to compose something she could say to make him stay. 

“My love…” Solas’ words nearly brought tears to Celestial’s eyes. She would have given so much to hear them months ago. Memories of her pestering her companion about elven history, of the pair enjoying a quiet morning, his concerned call to her after she fell in battle. 

He always seemed to have the worst timing. 

Solas’ grip on Celestial’s arm tightened and he leaned cautiously closer, eyes flashing with the same light that turned the Qunari surrounding them to stone. Celestial’s head bobbed up so that she could look at him, hoping that she could say something to persuade him to relent. She didn’t get the chance. 

Solas pressed their foreheads together and remained still, cradling her arm, which now seemed so unimportant. It was Celestial who pushed forward and allowed the dread wolf himself to kiss her. Despite everything, she was in love with the man. She was somewhere between shocked and giddy when he stood- it was only after he turned his back that she came back to her place on the ground. 

The air still crackled with the violent energy of the mark, but the pain had stopped. Celestial couldn’t bring herself to move her arm; she couldn’t feel anything. No sensation of fingertips or her palm- she couldn’t even imagine how she would have ever rolled her wrist. 

Normally porcelain skin was scorched black, veins of blood seeping over the surface of what she once would have recognized as her arm. She had burned herself before, angry red skin puckering and blistering from the contact. This was a different injury, unlike anything she had ever seen on a living creature before. The thought of a log in the hearth which had been scorched by fire came to mind. She wondered if she touched the fossil of her limb if it would feel like skin. Or if it would ever feel anything again. 

Solas said something, but Celestial felt as if there was water in her ears. The limb was dead- dead tissues could not be healed. How would she wield a staff? Or something as mundane as slipping on her own breeches. She was overcome with emotion when she thought of how she could possibly hold her children. 

A loud cry escaped her mouth, her head hanging down as the weight of the world clung to her shoulders. After laboring for hours and being overwhelmed by the surprise of twins, the joy that flooded her when she first held both of her sons in each of her tired arms was indescribable. Now she may never get that feeling that managed to numb all the pain ever again. 

Because of Solas. He had given her the children then left all of them. Had given her the pain and confusion of labor, only to remain ignorant of her efforts. Now his magic had poisoned her arm and he intended to walk away again? 

Solas’ head had turned to face her when he heard her, as if worried the anchor could still be harming the inquisitor. He had never seen the effects of ancient magic on a modern elf and suddenly all he could do was worry that it had permanently damaged her body beyond her left arm. 

Celestial lifted her head and saw the expression on Solas’ face. He was looking down at her on the ground with pity. She didn’t want pity now; when she was left bare faced and embarrassed, she wanted his pity. When she clung to Dorian and was hit again and again by contractions, she wanted pity. Now the pathetic excuse of an emotion decided to present itself like she was an injured rabbit. What good was his regret to her? 

Anger bloomed from her belly and spread to the rest of her, she dragged herself to her feet and marched up to him, left hand going limp at her side. Lightning sparked from her right palm, ignoring the fact that she would be no match to the man who had single-handedly defeated the Qunari statues surrounding them. She was preparing to fight him as if being massacred by the Dread Wolf wasn't a threat.

In a way, she was right. He would not hurt her now. If it was necessary in the future, if she chose to stop him, perhaps. But not now when she wept from the corruption his mistakes had caused. Fen’Harel would be a different man by the time he was done tearing down the veil, he had even told the inquisitor of the anticipated change. 

But Fen’Harel was still the Solas who had fallen in love with the Dalish inquisitor. She always had a way to warp his judgement and her anger could make him feel so small and guilty. Hands that once were so gentle in their touch turned to shove against his chest like she wanted him to be provoked into admitting the truth. In Crestwood he could not bring himself to tell her the information she sought and now there was nothing else to give. 

“Vhenan, please do not fight me. I do not wish to harm you.”  
“You can’t do this to our world!”  
“I am sorry, it must happen to recover what was lost.”  
“Bull Shit! You’ll either kill me now or I’ll take you down right here!”  
“Vhenan, please, stop.”

Celestial reached for her staff but Solas grabbed the weapon to prevent the movement, his eyes pleading with her. Without hesitation, the inquisitor dropped the staff and summoned lighting from her fingertips, throwing the shocks against his chest- Solas was taken aback from the attack, mouth agape as he processed what was happening. 

“Vhenan. I beg of you to stop. I will not fight you.” Another force of lightning made Solas step back. She would not let him leave when he intended to destroy her world. The world where her children would grow and learn. She wasn’t going to leave the destructive force that lusted after their demise leave unblemished. 

Fen’Harel, in his truest form, would have had no issue incapacitating the woman. To injure her enough for her to submit. But he was Solas before the Dread Wolf and she was his lover before a threat. 

Surprisingly swift, fully armored legs stepped forward and arms clutched the inquisitor just below her shoulders, careful to not touch dead skin. The sudden intimacy from the contact did not stop the surges of lightning, blue and purple streaks ripping through the air. 

“Your magic cannot defeat me, vhenan. You are too weak now; the anchor has exhausted you.” The words were more of a formality than an actual attempt to calm. Waves of soothing magic stripped mana first and then energy from the attacker. The inquisitor was sedated quickly, lids feeling heavier as she slumped against Solas’ chest. 

“I don’t want to fight you, but I can’t let you leave like this.” Exhaustion wore on Lavellan, but she was still determined to stop him from going. Her arms wrapped around his waist, “At least try to reconcile with everything we have in this world before you destroy it. Once you go in that eluvian, you’ll be gone forever.” Solas had nothing to say. She was right. 

“I can’t do that, vhenan. I must go and you cannot follow.”  
“Don’t go.”

_It would be kinder in the long run, but losing you would…_

Just as weak as before. Just as starved for the love she so endlessly provided. He relaxed into the mold of her body and resigned himself to his decision. He could not let her see the devastation in his path, however. He could not let her in until Solas could emerge from Fen’Harel. 

The sedating magic became stronger, warping Celestial’s mental state- she could vaguely remember the rage and hurt he had caused. Even thinking about the scorched tissue of her arm mattered so little. Sleep sang in her ears, urging her to indulge in the warm blanket of the fade. 

Surprisingly, the inquisitor fought the drowsiness, looking up at Solas and shaking her head, “Not like this, Solas, please…” The fatigue did not go away and the disorientation clouded more of her mind with each deep breath.

“It’s best for you to sleep, ma vhenan. I will wake you when all is through.”  
“I can’t sleep, Solas.”  
“I’m afraid you must. I promise you will awake.”

Panic was subdued by the tranquil air surrounding the pair. Celestial was already exhausted from the stress of the exalted council and battling Qunari all while being paralyzed with pain from the anchor. The relentless impulse to sleep was too strong to resist. Amethyst orbs darting around to look around one last time before uttering a final plea to the Dread Wolf.

“Don’t let me disappear; they’ll wonder where mamae’s gone.”


	2. Trespasser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note will be serving as my kick in the ass to actually come back and edit this more thoroughly tomorrow!

Solas was under no impression that he was a young man, but he had no reason to believe that his hearing was anything less than intact. The mage was secluded in his quarters now, left only with Lavellan laying comatose on his bedstead. 

Regret and bewilderment fought to overcome Solas’ mind. Assaulting and kidnapping the inquisitor in the middle of the exhausted council would cause so much unnecessary panic. It made the situation more dangerous for his people and the current residents of Thedas. It would make his agents within the inquisition vulnerable to discovery and questioning. 

Why could he not refuse her? One plea was all it took for him to risk everything he worked to accomplish. His mistakes are what ruined everything, yet he continuously seemed to learn nothing from them. During his time as the inquisitor’s companion, he would often reflect on how foolish he’d been in his youth- selfish and brazen, believing he was beyond any threat. He believed that he had matured, but clearly the ignorance of youth remained, and it was too late to undo his actions. 

Returning the limp body of an irrevocably injured Herald of Andraste to the Winter Palace would be impossible. Without explanation, it would cause chaos; it would be no more graceful than the staging of a dying Qunari. If an agent was caught trying to sneak in what appeared to be a corpse, he would meet a swift demise. The damage was already done and there was no good way to reverse the consequences. 

Worse than the logistics of how he would return Celestial was the thought of surrendering the comfort of having her near. However foolish the decision was, Solas felt that a great weight had been lifted from his chest. Like he could breathe clearly again after going so long without knowing what become of Celestial. The last update an agent reported was that she looked to be sickly and seldom left her room after he’d gone. The agent made no short work of assuming she was depressed after being abandoned by her friend and left with practically zero chance of returning to her clan because of her ongoing responsibilities. 

_”I’ll hate to see how poorly she does after the Tevinter leaves. She gets some visitors, but he always seems to be there!”  
“Personal updates on the inquisitor will not be necessary. You are only responsible for monitoring the inquisition’s actions. Leave her in peace.”_

Regret took a break from tormenting Solas and his focus turned to what she’d said before- when she called herself ‘Mamae’. Maybe he was going senile and imaging sounds. She was exhausted and under the influence of powerful magic; it must be a misinterpretation or some sort of mistake. Lavellan was young at the time of the conclave, it would be unusual for a woman of her age holding the title of first to have a child. Not to mention that it would have surely been mentioned in conversation at some point that she was a mother. It had to be an error in his hearing.

Unless she bore a babe while he was gone. Two years was a long time for someone else to catch her attention and conceive. The thought ignited jealousy in the very pit of Solas’ stomach. In 18 months, she could have bore two children- she might be expecting another at this very moment. It didn’t matter how unlikely the prospect was, bitterness was already disorienting his ability to logically think. As if to provoke him, his mind went back to the memory of her avoiding him after returning to Skyhold. If he remembered correctly, she’d gone to play chess with the commander, who was only too happy to enjoy a personal chat with Lavellan. 

Although always professional in his interactions, he could picture the human comforting Lavellan when he was gone. Going to her room like a vulture, maybe under the guise of bringing missed work from the war table. The thought of him on top of her made his jaw stiffen and fists tighten, stewing in his own ire. 

The realization that he had no right to have any opinion of her personal affairs only made him more upset. He was the one to leave her and didn’t respond to her remorse; not even refuting her woeful assumption that she was just a dalliance. All the effort he exerted to make it clear they were no longer romantically involved was motivation enough for her to take refuge with the commander. 

Regardless of who the father of her offspring may be, Solas was the one who took their mother away. He could only imagine what would happen if Lavellan discovered it was him who took her babes. Although the dread wolf had not entirely ironed out every detail of what might happen to the occupants of the world when he tore the veil down, he knew Celestial’s fury and agony would be immeasurable. 

Kidnapping the herald would cause chaos, of that there was no doubt. Would adding one or two secret children really make things worse? It couldn’t be as bad as what may happen if Celestial woke knowing that her motherhood was stripped from her by the monster who demolished everything she’d ever known. 

Another bout of guilt hit him. It needed to be done, there was no other way to restore the lost world. Every solution he tried to correct his mistakes always led-

“Fen’Harel?”

A shaky voice from the doorway ripped Solas from his thoughts. The dread wolf straightened his posture and turned to face the intruding agent who visibly gawked at the inquisitor. The man was a city elf who joined Fen’Harel early in his recruitment efforts and now he came to him fully armored, clutching onto several files. 

“Speak, please.”  
“I’ve got the reports you’ve asked for, sir.”  
“Summarize them. We’ll be in a hurry, I presume.”  
“The inquisition came in several parties to the Winter Palace, so they may have come separately from Lavellan.”  
“Very well. Is there anything else?”  
“We’ve found her boarding arrangements and I’ve included the guard schedules. Though they may have changed by now, with her disappearance.”

Solas closed his eyes and thought through his options, already knowing which he would pick. More of a familiarity than anything else, slender fingers spread the stack of papers that the agent deposited on his desk, skimming over the field notes of their entrance. There was no other option but to take her children. They had to be together when she awoke. 

“Thank you. Set them on my desk and prepare a small party to infiltrate the Winter Palace.”

The next few hours were a blur. Celestial was locked securely away with a guard as a precaution if anything went wrong. Enrobed in a dark cloak lined with fur and two slings spanning across his chest, the dread wolf was prepared to steal the children of a Dalish elf in the dark of the night. 

Navigating the Winter Palace would be complex, but the eluvian trail within would make infiltrating and escaping less of a challenge. He would send in his agents to communicate, first. They would find the gaps in the guard rotations to find a way to slip through and avoid any opposition. It would be especially important when they returned, as there would be up to two fragile beings to protect. Once they escaped, he would make the children sleep just as Lavellan did and then finish his spell for all of them. Then he would be able to move on without worry of his actions against his former lover. 

They begun their infiltration not long after night fall. 

Solas managed to wait patiently with two agents in front of his eluvian that led to the Winter Palace for two hours. Throughout the wait, five other agents would dart in, updating the group on the stories people begun to spin about what must have happened to the inquisitor. 

People believed Celestial chased after the apostate, hoping to reunite with her lost lover. Others thought she may have perished before the Qunari turned to stone- rumors elaborated that he may have stolen her corpse. There did not appear to be any theories yet that her living body was taken away. Search parties did not seem to be a priority, either. Ferelden and Orlesian tension took more time from the guards than the whereabouts of the inquisitor herself, meaning hallways were mostly barren. 

Once communication was received and shared, it was declared safe to enter and take a pathway to reach the personal quarters assigned to the missing inquisitor. It was still unclear whether a nanny or nurse monitored the children, but several sources confirmed that a lamp was lit, and movement was detected. 

A small party could easily enter a castle without discovery when nobles argued. They could roam through the halls and up the stairs so long as they stayed away from open portions where masses would congregate. It was amusing, almost, that such a planned process was so simple in execution. For all the stress and worry, it took hardly a quarter of an hour to find her chambers. 

As promised, there was a lamp lit in the corner of the room and a shadow of a figure pacing. The room was settled on a peak in the corner of the palace, leaving only a final obstacle of stairs before Fen’Harel. Solas left his party at the bottom of the stairs as he made his way up to the elaborate wooden door. Each soft footstep that brought him closer to his destination made him contemplate what he was preparing to do. 

Like a villain of a Dalish story, the Dread Wolf prepared to steal the little children inside. He already caught their mother and would covet her in the coming years as he destroyed the world around them. They would be frozen in time itself, unwavering to outside forces at the will of Fen’Harel.

It was not supposed to be this way. 

The villain lifted his hand to extinguish the light inside the room before entering, reflective eyes scanning the room to identify the contents. The room was normally furnished in accordance to Orlesian standards save for the very corner, where one basinet with a Dalish woven canopy was located. Next to it sat a rocking chair that still swayed, occupied not long ago. 

“Vishante kaffas- what now?!” There was no pacing nurse inside of the inquisitor’s room; she’d entrusted her best friend to watch over her babes. Solas looked again at the cot, wondering if there was only one infant after all. Looking over at Dorian with an expression of remorse, the mage lifted his hand and hurled a wave of force to knock the Tevinter to the ground. He didn’t want to harm him, he just needed to knock him unconscious. 

Especially if there would be an unexpected search for a missing child soon. A low groan erupted from Dorian, the attack taking him by surprise. He wasn’t able to see the intruder in the dark, but he already began to panic and shuffle towards his staff that rested against the wall. The same spell was repeated, a barrier the Tevinter hastily summoned protecting him from the assault.

“Who’s there? If you’ve business with me, you can come at a more appropriate hour when I am not preoccupied!” The words came out shaky, evident of the man’s growing anxiety. Solas approached the mage- hoping to quickly end any confrontation so he could grab the infant and leave. He waited for Dorian to bring his shield down to relight the oil lamp, unable to find his staff in the darkness. 

The attempt was in vain, another rush of energy slamming into his already shocked body; Dorian’s head thudded to the ground just a few heartbeats before light flooded the room. A paranoid part of the Dread Wolf nagged that he may have recognized Solas under his hood, but there wasn’t enough time to worry about that now. There would be plenty opportunity later to fester in his own distress. 

The Dread Wolf changed his path to the basinet. He was not looking forward to seeing inside- if the commander was the father, he didn’t even have the decency to wait with his own babe. Solas would have done better, if he’d been given the chance; what sort of man would leave his own flesh and blood under the care of a single mage? 

Swallowing his jealousy and engrossing himself to the task at hand, Solas opened the front of his cloak and made sure he knew where the openings of the slings were. He’d never handled a child before and knew a single blunder could seriously harm a delicate infant. Some part of his mind remembered that young babes were unable to lift their own heads but he wasn’t sure how harmful it would be if it wasn’t supported correctly. 

Deciding that he would more appropriately gauge what care the youth would require after evaluating their size, Solas warily spread the canopy’s veil and peered inside. 

His entire heart sank to the pit of his stomach. 

There was no human baby in the cradle. Instead, two identical elven infants were surrounded by plush blankets and several articles of removed knitted clothing. Next to one peacefully sleeping babe, was the other sitting upright, lips and eyebrows tilted down in a mean expression. It was like looking into a mirror- the same stormy colored eyes glaring back at him. Tufts of copper colored hair protruded from under a green knitted hat, just a bit lighter than his own hair before it had been shaved.,. 

He was physically taken aback at the sight of the pair, stumbling backwards and clutching onto the nearest surface to steady himself. He was in the right room. The children clearly belonged to her if Dorian was there watching over them, but the paternity was hardly a mystery. The resemblance was uncanny- the boy looked as much like him as a toddler could look like a grown man. 

“Fenedhis.” Solas collapsed into the rocking chair, hanging his head down by his knees, hands on the back of his head. He was overwhelmed by grief and shame; just seconds ago he was cursing the father of them for being absent for just a few hours. Celestial endured this burden on her shoulders for years. On top of all her inquisition duties, she carried, birthed, and reared two elven children completely alone. Not even in the fade when he watched her had she revealed a hint of her hardship. 

The babes carried his magic doubly, from the source itself and the anchor during pregnancy. It must have been so difficult to raise them without a father or clan at her side. Solas was rarely moved to tears, but if there was ever an appropriate time, this seemed right. If Celestial didn’t disclose that she was a mother, who is to say he wouldn’t have destroyed his own children in the obliteration of the veil? Worse yet, if his weakness did not urge him to turn when she cried, he would have left them all without so much as a second glance. 

“Mamae?” A disgruntled call erupted from the cot, the boy who previously glared at the Dread Wolf sticking his head out of the canopy. His eyes darted around the room, restlessly bouncing with only his hands on the walls of his bed maintaining his balance. His mother would not respond for longer than he cared to admit- it was Solas who silenced her. 

Another surge or remorse crushed the apostate, but he stood and pulled his hood down. He approached the toddler and offered his hand out, a meager one accepting so he could lean further out of his crib. Solas shook his head, “No, da’len, mamae isn’t here. Come, let me get a better look at you.” Placing his opposite hand on the child’s rear, he lifted the small body from his bed and laid him against his chest. At the contact, he felt the hum of old magic radiating from his son. This type of delight was rare for the man; it had been so long since he last felt the familiarity of another Elvhen. 

The child seemed fearless, almost skeptical when he looked at the stranger that was his father. The toddler was still scowling at the Dread Wolf, not impressed in the slightest with his presence. Solas smoothed a hand over the infant’s back, a matching set of green knitted wear from head to toe. Well, almost toe. Two pairs of green socks with ribbon laces were still in the crib, along with a blue hat that must’ve belonged to the still dozing twin. 

“I expect your Mamae would fret if she saw you without these on. I’m sure you’ll have the chance to kick them off again, but why don’t we give it a try?” Like an oaf, the father sat with his son on the rocking chair with the wool coverings in his hands. The boy’s foot was remarkably tiny, little toes smaller than his fingers. Guiding each foot into the bootie was a formidable challenge, short legs kicking and chubby body squirming. Once the ribbon was tied on each ankle, he huffed and sunk against his father’s lap. 

It was as if he’d travelled to another dimension, hidden in a blissful fantasy. Fen’Harel was sitting on a rocking chair next to a grand basinet with both hands full of children. He appeared more as a nursemaid; despite the heavy, dark clothes he wore. 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to have a rest for me, da’len. I promise we can get to know one another better a bit later.” Opening the front clasps of his cloak, Solas let soothing pulses of magic wash over his son. He rocked the drooping toddler, opening the harness on the right side of his chest and situating the boy within. Admittedly, carrying two older infants was not ideal, but it would be feasible for smuggling the pair out of the palace. 

The other twin required no sedation, completely unbothered as his hat was slipped back over the copper heap of hair. He clutched onto one of the woven blankets that padded the cot and seemed perfectly content to be sloppily swaddled in the fabric. When he was strapped to his father’s chest, a plump cheek rested against him and a hand covered his left eye. Just before leaving the room, Solas put out the light and secured his cloak, supporting the weight of the babes. 

Carrying them should have felt heavier for the apostate; it may have been shock or worry that distracted him. Too much happened in one day, even in the fade events did not seem to unfold so erratically. Fen’Harel’s party did not ask questions once he emerged from the room, diligently leading him to the eluvian. 

The original route was modified to account for the limited mobility of the trespasser hauling two stolen children. The success felt empty. Solas did not say a word to his agents when they arrived, electing to go back to his room with his sons. The guard was still vigilantly protecting his chambers, stepping aside only after a harsh gesture dismissed him. 

The door was locked behind him, looking at Celestial differently than before. He could not decide whether he should collapse at her side and apologize for every wrongdoing or if he was entitled to any anger for her hiding their sons from him. 

Solas would not need to decide, however. He got to work for the final part of the spell needed to immobilize the three in time. The family laid on his bed completely unconscious with the Dread Wolf watching over them. Rather than getting to know his sons and earning Celestial’s forgiveness, he was choosing to proceed with a devastating plan that wasn’t guaranteed to succeed. He was willing to sacrifice something he had fantasized about for the chance he may undo his mistakes.

Hardening his heart, Solas continued with his work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have done a lot of research on the development of human children to try and prepare the twins to be biologically accurate. Since elves typically live a bit longer than humans, I thought it might make more sense if they develop a bit slower? I even toyed with the idea that elven pregnancies may take longer to gestate, but then I felt like it would be a bit of a lunge. So, for now I’m assuming:  
-Twins were gestating for about 36 weeks, this is apparently an average time for twins  
-Since ultrasounds weren’t a thing, it was likely undiagnosed twins until delivery  
-The twins are identical, so they shared one placenta (This might be more relevant in later  
chapters)  
-Boys would be around 17 months about this time. I’m making them a bit smaller to account for  
elven development, but generally, I’m going to try to get them to fit into young toddler  
behavior  
Feel free to let me know if anything here is disagreeable! I’m open to changing stuff, especially if it’s offensively wrong.
> 
> Also, thanks so much for reading! 😊


	3. Dated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was posted literally one minute before class- I will come back to do a final edit a little later!

“Come, da’len!”  
“You’re rushing him, dearest. He’ll walk when he’s good and ready.”  
“But you can’t see him, Dorian, he stands and shoots daggers at his brother! I think he’s jealous.”  
“He’ll go at his own pace. Bull told me that he didn’t start walking until he was nearly two and look at him lumber about now.”

For what seemed like the hundredth time, Celestial kneeled on the plush carpet in front of her desk, arms outstretched to urge Saeris into them. Next to her already was her other son, Iveanis, giggling madly when the sending crystal illuminated to reflect Dorian’s voice. On the other side of the room, the toddler bounced on the floor and energetically squealed. Rather than elevating himself to stand, he audibly slapped his hands on the floor and crawled to his mother full speed. 

When he managed to reach her, pastel pajamas were spotted with dark lint from the carpet. She nonetheless supported the weight of the boy as he straightened, embracing him the second stubby arms wrapped around her neck. As soon as Iveanis saw his family hugging, he excitedly stumbled to join in, practically throwing the sending crystal aside. Their mother didn’t even get a chance to chide him for throwing things before Saeris shoved apparent competition to the ground, his own balance so poor that he toppled down with the same force. 

The distressed wails of two startled toddlers flooded the room within seconds. Celestial didn’t know who she should comfort first but pressed her hands against her ears to deliberate and resist the urge to rip her hair out. Between the two upsetting one another, weaning, and teething, there was never a second without stress for mother or children. 

“Oh dear, is the little bruiser practicing his bashing?”  
“I don’t understand why he’s so nasty to Iven! I thought twins were supposed to get along.”

Lavellan picked both twins up gracelessly, not wanting to insight another jealousy-induced attack. Although Iveanis was already beginning to calm himself down, Saeris was gasping for air and gearing up for a tantrum. Before unleashing his fury he reached for the front of his mother's shirt, causing her to nearly drop both of them to pull his hands away. Inhaling deeply to recover from the shock of almost dropping the twins, she calmly spoke, “Remember how mamae told you it’s all gone now? You’re too big, my love, it’s only for babies.” Another miserable whine followed, clearly just as desperate to be nursed. 

A scoff from the crystal was just loud enough to hear, “More like his canines came in with a vengeance.” The early sprouting of sharp teeth was just as valid of a reason. Although their mother fought through the discomfort to withstand the drudgery for the first year of their lives, the 366th morning, she was more than happy to wear a high collar and refuse the pleading. After a few days, the most severe withdrawal had passed but when either got upset, it was the first comfort they requested. 

“Well, this seems like a good time to let you deal with the little imps. I’ll be returning to Skyhold in three weeks. Until then, you three try to not kill each other, won’t you?” Dorian was practically shouting over the wailing, Celestial standing to pick up the crystal and properly say goodbye to her friend. Her son crawled after her, hiccuping tears away and climbing to stabilize himself on her leg. 

“Have a safe travel, Dorian! It’ll be nice to see you again.”  
“It always is, my friend.”

Looking at her legs, Lavellan saw glassy eyes peering up at her, begging for attention. Her heart melted, feeling guilt for becoming agitated with them so quickly, her other son sat on the floor watching them curiously. The inquisitor set the sending crystal on her desk, bending down to lift the little body into her arms. Both children were becoming heavier than she could comfortably manage; her keeper would have said they were growing like weeds. She may also hunt the father with her bare hands if she knew he’d abandoned them. 

In a string of letters she’d told Deshanna that she was expecting and about the development of unanticipated twins. Without fail, no questions were asked of their origins, only congratulations and praises for her coping so well. She was never one to judge. 

Celestial had very probably lost her place in the clan as first was the most influential part of her unplanned parenthood. Although it was hard to say whether being a symbol for a shemlen god that led the now famous inquisition hadn’t taken the chance from her already. It was easier not to think about returning to her clan and consuming herself in inquisition duties and the drudgery of motherhood. 

Dorian was a great help in managing everything. Her best friend had not abandoned her even when he needed to leave Skyhold- acquiring a pair of sending crystals as to never leave her completely alone for too long. After Solas left, she’d felt rotten about her ability to make judgement of people, but the supposedly treacherous Tevinter was a constant presence, against the Chantry's protests. 

The inquisitor smiled, turning her attention to Saeris who intently observed his mother, long eyelashes still wet from crying. He resembled a painting- she often found herself fawning over the boys like that, every small detail a miracle in her eyes. She always resisted the urge to show them off, never failing to set protections for them when they journeyed to the fade to stop all prying eyes, big or small. 

Solas was the smallest threat, having not visited her in the fade or otherwise since she was pregnant, unaware of her condition. The wolf watching from a safe distance was a poor disguise, disappearing entirely and ripping her from the fade once she shouted that he had no right to haunt her. Truthfully, she wanted to speak to him and be comforted in the familiar arms of her former lover, but she knew better. Solas left them for a reason, ignorance of his plans did not make him any less of a danger to her precious gifts. He hadn’t hesitated to break her heart or abandon the inquisition, there was no way of knowing how he might hurt their vulnerable children. 

“Did you have a long day, my love? Mamae should’ve known you were too tired to try and walk. You’ll do it when you’re ready, won’t you?” A gentle hand brushed rust colored hair away, a kiss being placed on the bare forehead. Smiling fondly, the elf carried the toddler to their bed. Once he was placed on the mattress, she got to work removing pillows and lining the floor, so any accidental falls didn’t end with a cracked head. Once she was satisfied with the padding, she kissed and laid her other child down next to his brother. 

Not further than a few feet away, Celestial changed from her day wear to an embroidered cotton chemise; it was not dissimilar to the one she’d worn the first time she’d shared a tent with Solas before they were in a relationship. Brushing through her hair to put it into a bun and washing her face concluded her ritual before she laid down herself, the sun still barely having set when the small family was tucked in for the evening. 

On top of the wide-set headboard was a story book that was long enough for neither toddlers to ever hear the ending, scarce few hand drawn illustrations within to keep them entertained. The inquisitor diligently recited the first pages of text more from memory than reading, only stopping when a pair of soft snores alerted her that no one was left to listen. 

Once the twins had fallen asleep, the next part of the inquisitor’s routine began. Eyes scanned over the room to ensure each window and door was closed and covered with thick velvet. Then she would look over to the stairwell, a newly added door barricaded and a line of sea salt along the opening. All mirrors and windows in the room were traced in a complete line with ocean water and magebane. Tucked inside of every pillow was a wad of betony wrapped in dales loden wool, the barrier either underneath heavy heads or surrounding the area around their sleeping area. 

Every precaution she had ever known to prevent unwanted visitors was in place and she could only hope by the continued absence of her former lover that they were working. What else was she able to do if not invest in the few protections available to her? Even if they were superstitious beliefs, they were a great relief that let her jaded mind rest. 

Resting was almost synonymous with staying up at night overcome with emotions, tonight being no different. The elf reclined against the bed and cerebrated in her worries. 

Raising children alone was already a struggle, but her position as inquisitor only made matters worse. Every day their way of life threatened to change; Divine Justinia was pushing back an Exalted Council with every bit of power she had, but it was becoming more obvious that it would eventually be inevitable. The inquisition would be faced with either disbandment or becoming pawns to Orlais. 

Disbanding made the most sense to the inquisitor, what was left to do? They had closed the rift, she’d sealed the smaller tears in the veil, ended the war between mages and templars- the existence of the organization was just excessive, now. A selfish part of Celestial wanted to keep it around; after all, she resided within the walls of Skyhold safe from danger or intruders, near her friends and support. The moment the inquisition ceased to exist she’d be met with choices that would inflict adversity. Returning to her clan would be dangerous, anyone who discovered her could create problems for her family or change the dynamic of their nomadic lives. The alternative was hardly better, her children would pay the price of living in isolation and fear that a nameless villain would find them.

Inevitably, tears began to well up in Lavellan’s eyes, her hand covering her mouth to muffle any sounds that may disturb sleeping children, agonizing waves of emotion crushing her. She never would have thought things would end up this way- she had never dreamed of motherhood or domestic life, but surely things weren’t supposed to be so challenging. Out of all the men she could have chosen, she picked one who lurked as a deceptive threat. 

To exacerbate the situation, two elven infants resulted from her lapse of judgment and they were the most divine things she’d ever laid eyes on. They deserved so much more than she was able to give them but were always content with what they had. Without knowledge or care that things could be better, they were overjoyed to have a loving mother and the many ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ of loyal friends. Maybe when they were older, they’d understand, for better or worse. 

Miserable with concern and anxiety while devotedly holding onto her sons, Lavellan drifted into the fade in the early hours of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in between some chapters, I’m including drabbles to really establish the personality of everyone outside of strained circumstances. Sorry the update took a while, I promise I’m not giving up on this story, I just am taking several intensive writing courses and read an average of 300 pages a week for all my classes. I have reading and writing coming out of my ears. This slows down my own writing during weekdays; I’m going to try to crank out one or two chapters every weekend (Thursday through Sunday in my situation). I can only do a drabble this weekend because of some essays due Monday/Tuesday, but next weekend should have an okay length chapter! Thanks so much for reading and those who have left such nice comments! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if anyone will be into this, but this is the first time I've been motivated to write a full blown story line without it being an excuse to write a filthy sex scene (although those still hold a special place in my heart and will continue). I'm still deciding whether or not my writing has improved from college or if it's deteriorated from my break- let's see what happens! 
> 
> (P.S. My childfree ass that fears accidental pregnancy more than walking against traffic on a highway makes it incredibly ironic that I wrote this story.)


End file.
